Monday, March 5, 2012

"hold up... hold on... don't be scared" ~ {Explore}


Inspired by lryics from Oasis "Stop Crying your heart out" and a tribute to PC David Rathband who took his life this week.

View On Black

Made Explore #37 4th March 2012

It's been one of those weeks that reminded me how fragile life can be, with the memorial match for Gary Speed and then the next day the announcement that PC Rathband took his own life.

You see for me when I lose a brother or sister to suicide it means alot more than just a news story. I guess for me it's a reminder how fatal my illness really is; Depression for many of us can be a terminal illness just like Cancer or Heart conditions.

However, for most of society Depression/Mental Health is not given the same tolerance or appreciation as maybe physical illnesses or more visible disabilities.

Now I don't want to say Depression was evident in either case as I'm not party to that knowledge. But for someone to take their own life there are two key elements a) Despair and b) Anger.

Most people cannot understand why you would want to take your own life, but if you imagine having an illness that impacts your brain and affects your ability to think, reason, act, remember, care, sleep, eat and live. Then and only then can you imagine the pain someone suffering from a mental illness goes through.

I feel that it's about time I stopped hiding my own illness as what type of influence on the world can I make if I'm concerned what people may say if I talk about suicide?

May 31st 2011 was my day, the day the pain became so intense, the day the anger reared up so strong that I couldn't fight anymore, the day I couldn't see a way forward. After nearly two years fighting it I'd had enough. Luckily for me my poor wife found me in time. To find yourself in hospital unable to walk, see, hear, so sick and ill is nothing compared to the knowledge that your own babies saw you carted away in an ambulance.

Phew, that was tough to share. But I feel anyone who's followed my stream knows I've mentioned Depression before.

I guess I feel the need to share this with everyone as I want to give those of you hope who are suffering or those that know someone some hope.

It's not easy but you need to remember it's about what you can do for that person today! not tomorrow. I hated reading in the press how the Police quickly came out and mentioned all their plans for PC Rathband in the future, but the fact of the matter when people are suffering they need help to get through the next hour not next month.

My moan is not an anti-police comment more an anti "Oh he had the world at his feet" comment. Please remember this is a severe illness that impacts the brain, who can you comprehend these messages when you cannot tolerate the noise of the birds tweeting or the sound of your own children? I had constant headaches for two years, unable to tolerate any noise.

So my message to those of you fighting is hold on, reach out to someone and if you are that someone then please just listen; don't make suggestions, just listen and be there, be present in the moment. And hopefully together you can stand strong for another day, then a week, then a month, then a year.

To my brothers & sisters of the silent illness don't be scared just reach out to someone, and if you're that someone just be there.

So why this image? Well PC Rathband lived in Blyth, and this is Blyth beach where I love to stand in the sea and feel all the streses of life drain away, the waves rushing back made me think of how you brace yourself and hold on, hence it all seemed to gel.

Thank you for reading this, and also for playing your part in being there. Oh and by the way I've been on the up and up since August 2011 so at long last the "black dog" is being trained to behave! He still comes out every now and then but on the whole he's in his kennel!

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Oasis ~ Stop Crying Your Heart Out

"Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile (may your smile) shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up) come on (come on)
Why you scared? (I'm not afraid...)
You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry, you'll see us someday
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out..."

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